Samael Anathan

Ok, So for transparency and since I am do not have anything to hide here goes. A wise person once said to me first focus on who you are then on what you are. So here goes bear with me. To be brutally honest after wearing a mask for so long trying to be what people expect you to be you sort of loose yourself in the bullshit and at this current point in time I can honestly say I have no clue 'who' I am. So yeah a lot of help that is in a about section huh, so this is what I do know - I am a middle aged white guy living in South Africa, I have a job I don't like and get paid shit. Thus I would like to think middle class but fall closer to the bottom of that grouping. I am divorced, 5 yrs now, a father of 2 kids, daughter 11 and son 7. Ex-wife and I are not on very good terms, we actually hate each other's guts. She has custody and I have visitation if I can afford to see them ( over and above the monthly maintenance I pay religiously ) which well hasn't happened in months and I miss them terribly. I live with my parents in a lil room in a townhouse we struggling to afford. Still paying off debts from my marriage. I don't go out, I don't party or well have 'fun' in a social environment at all, much. I rarely drink, I smoke about 2 packs a day. I am addicted to caffeine. I don't drive, never learnt how and never had money for a car so figured why bother. ( yes judge away ) Only 'real' relationship I had was my ex-wife and we all know how that ended. (If you managed to read this far then wow, you must be bored.) I have had several online relationships that ended painfully and some very nastily and well for some fucked up reason I still believe in love. (naive , yes I know). A couple casual encounters relatively early after the separation but I am not really the one night stand kinda guy (yes there is something wrong with me, family have actually hinted I must be gay since I don't have a gf). Since I am a Introvert and moving around A LOT while in primary school, I find it ... difficult opening up to people and making real friends, so this is seriously difficult for me. So I have very few friends I can trust and open up to and well the trusting person I am I tend to bet fucked in the end and they always leave. so.... In short a lonely middle age guy. Wounded, Scared, Scarred, broken, sensitive, trusting, naive and insecure guy, trying to figure out who and why I am here and trying survive and get through a another day without wanting to off myself .... again ( yes, how I survived the last attempt the night my ex walked out on me is still a mystery to myself and the ICU doctors at Arwyp clinic.) I am sarcastic at times, sorta twisted dirty humor, I am into movies and series'. Some gaming. I dabble a bit in writing ( notes section if your interested ), photoshopping, astrology and chainmaille making. ( Link to website on contact section ) Okay well that I suppose would cover the who I am part. If you are still reading this the I suppose best start with the what I am part. I follow the left hand path (google is your friend). On top of that I am what is called a PolyKin ( which basically means : An otherkin is an individual that identifies as something nonhuman on an integral and personal level. A single person whose body image is that of a nonhuman species. The species they identify as being is called their kintype. When an otherkin has more than one species they personally identify as, they are called a polykin. Thus a polykin is an otherkin with more than one kintype. That being said ,the different Kintypes I believe form a part of what I am are as follows - - Real Vampyre - Wolf Therian - Fallen Angel Kin Are you still here reading this .... damn you must be interested or something or be bored as hell because i fell asleep writing this... Lastly and probably the